hard times
Pilates is hard. Healing is too, but it doesn’t have to feel that way.
Jen on yoga mat before a Pilates class.
“You didn’t come here for easy,” Jordan said over the heavy base thumping through my chest. “You show up to this class because you can do hard things. No one in this class thinks these exercises are easy. But you’re doing them, and when you leave this room, you'll approach life the same way, confident that you can do hard things!”
I heard the words she said, but my brain started to wander off as a trickle of sweat rolled down into my eye. My thoughts tripped over the word “hard,” and started rambling about the areas in my life that feel hard. The music shifted, and I landed on the biggest place that feels hard for me.
Healing.
That word then got me wondering, “What the heck does the word “healing” even mean?” (I probably should clarify that this was a pilates class in a hot room of 100 degrees. It’s a great workout, but I sometimes get a little heat drunk and philosophical.)
Healing is one of those words that has gotten so much use that it’s starting to lose all meaning.
To strip it down to its most simple definition, “healing” is the process that takes you from point a (not healthy) to point b (healthy).
Human bodies are not that simple or that direct. Every anatomical system is connected to every other system, they are all moving and all interrelated. It happens over time, which adds another layer that our brain has to track and include as it’s trying to make sense of it all. As our brains try to organize the information, those thoughts sometimes trigger feelings, which are one of our body's ways of communicating to us which way to move.
So why does this “process of healing” FEEL so hard?
Because it actually IS hard. Your body's coordinating a lot of different things all at the same time, and your brain is trying to make sense of it all. “Healing” isn’t making the hard work your body is doing go away. The “process of healing” is learning to get comfortable with the uncomfortable as your body and all its parts are learning to do something differently. And those feelings of being “hard” are going to change from minute to minute.
We are hardwired to move towards things that make us feel good, and move away from things that make us feel yucky.
When we need to do something that feels yucky, like when our body is struggling with something, we are hardwired to move away from that thing. The “hard” feeling comes in when we need to move toward that thing that is making us uncomfortable.
Those feelings of “hard” are your brain’s way of saying “my system is changing the way I am relating to this thing”.
Even though it might feel counterintuitive, when something feels “hard,” get curious about it, and ask yourself questions like “This is so interesting that I am feeling things are hard right now. When do I feel this feeling of “hard”? Is it all the time? How long does it last when it shows up?, etc.” To help speed up your process, here’s what I’ve noticed.
I have found that there are four main sticking points that influence how hard healing can feel:
Something's getting in the way of the body tissue’s ability to function. Usually it is either something is missing, causing an immune system response to deal with invaders (viruses, bacteria, etc), or causing inflammation. Check in these places:
Water- are you hydrated? You’d be surprised how much can change when you get the right amount of water.
Nutrition- do you have the right fuel going in? Are you getting the right foods, nutrients, and trace minerals? Are there any food sensitivities going on causing inflammation?
Microbiome imbalance- a huge chunk of our immune system and our brain neurotransmitters are created in the gut. If something is feeling hard, it might be because the gut biome is out of balance.
Your brain is confused and is saying one of these things:
“I don’t understand what is happening.”
“There is too much information to process, so I don’t know what information is important or where to start.”
“There is missing information, but I don’t know what’s missing or where to find it.”
The expectations are different from reality in some way.
It is usually some variation of time or energy and sounds like: “I thought I’d be better by now,” or “I don’t know why I still feel so tired.”
Your relationship with the part that’s healing.
What were you taught about how to relate to your discomfort growing up? Were those big feelings validated and supported? Or were they shut down and you had to bury and disconnect from them?
The solution? Safety.
Remember, those “feelings of hard” are an early warning signal that your system is starting to engage a fight / flight/ freeze/ fawn reaction. Acknowledging those feelings and then remembering that you are safe will settle your nervous system and start to shift you out of those feelings of “hard”. As your nervous system settles, you see more options and use different resources, and then things don’t feel so hard.
Here is a mantra for when you feel the process is hard: “I am noticing that something is feeling hard right now. This is a signal from my body. I know I will figure this out.”
“Great class everyone!” The music shifted, as we all laid down on the floor for the final savasana meditation at the end of class, my thoughts slowing down with the music. I took a breath in, a breath out. I closed my eyes to rest.
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