the choice
I had the same conversation multiple times today. It went like this:
Other person:
“I don’t like this thing about my body (pain, strength, how it feels from the inside). This is so hard.”
Me:
“Wow, that sounds hard and uncomfortable.”
(time passes letting the other person feel the feeling.)
Other person:
“What can I do? I hate feeling this way.”
Me:
“Let’s think through what some options might be. I’m curious about how this would feel?”
(Then I share strategies appropriate for their body based on what I know about them, their interests, and what I sense their body is asking for.)
Other person:
“Ugh, I don’t want to do that, that sounds too hard for me.”
Me:
“Ok, then you have to choose your hard.
Is it hard to do all the things to take care of yourself? Yes. Eating and hydrating in a way that supports your body, finding supportive movement, and honoring your body's cues are all hard, and take time and energy.
It’s also hard to be uncomfortable all the time (in pain, weak, feeling whatever is uncomfortable), that also takes time and energy. Now you get a choice. Which hard thing do you choose? I am here to support you whatever way you decide to go.”
(Then I stop talking and let the person think a bit.)
Choose your hard.
one panda hugging another panda with text “I choose you.”
Other person eventually says one of two things:
Tell me more about the things I need to change. I can’t stand feeling the way I feel now.
I am not ready to make those hard changes yet.
Whatever they choose, the rest of the conversation goes like this:
Me:
“It totally makes sense that you feel like that. Take some time to drop inside your body while I finish doing the supportive hands-on things for your body.”
(They close their eyes, and it’s quiet for a bit, as they rest and relax while I finish the bodywork session.)
The session ends, and as they are gathering their things I say:
“Before you go, let’s think about one or two things that feel easy to support yourself and your body right now.”
(I try to limit the supportive things to something that takes less than 5 minutes, will fit easily into their existing life, and keep it to less than three things. Anything other than that and people get overwhelmed, which then links self care with feelings of struggle, which is counterproductive.)
Support yourself with EASY.